


All The Naughty Words

by CallistoSangre



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Crying Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Heartache, Levi is a bit OC, Mental Breakdown, Other, Shitty Summary, briefly Erwin, briefly Hanji, mention of Kuchel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-20 05:32:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5993377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallistoSangre/pseuds/CallistoSangre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi, after joining the army, had little time to remember his past life. When a certain dream returns to him after some time, he recollects his childhood promise to his late mother. Choosing Eren as his trustee, Levi tries to fulfill that promise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All The Naughty Words

_'Hey ma.'_  
_'Hey baby.'_  
_'Am I dead?'_  
_'No, just dreaming.'_  
_'Huh...'_  
_'Don't tell me that's disappointing for you.'_  
_'No. It's just that...'_  
_'...life has been so...'_  
_'EXHAUSTING WITHOUT YOU.'_

Levi gripped his mug a bit tighter. He hasn't had this dream for a long time now. How many years has it been since his mother died? More than twenty? He never delved into it. Though it happened many years ago, he remembered every morning with Kuchel: how he would greet home appliances, himself, how he had to sometimes shout so that his mother would wake up. Breakfast routine was always the same: they would eat, do the dishes together... Levi still remembered that soap that smelled like wet dog and mud, and how he could never really scrub it away, no matter how many times he was able to wash his hands. After breakfast, they would stretch and try reaching sky.

_'Exercising every morning keeps the doctor away from us, honey.' Kuchel stretched her arms all the way above her head, smiling lightly._  
_'A good gun can do that, too.' Little Levi mimicked the gesture, standing on his toes to power up the effect._  
_'Might be true, but staying in good health is a much nicer way of fending the doctor off. Besides, why should we waste bullets?'_

Bathing with Kuchel was always an experience. Sometimes unpleasant. Sometimes really nice. He loved feeling clean, and his mother could scrub all the tension away. Even if it was a skill she picked up at her „work”, the feeling of her massaging his head to thoroughly clean his hair was divine.

_'…there are very, very big gardens that are filled with trees, fruit if necessary, various animals are roaming around, flowers are blooming, and there is so much green that even I can't take it all in!' Kuchel said to Levi, gently kneading his hair._  
_'That's not true, ma, how can that be true?' Levi asked, stretching his legs out and grabbing at his toes. 'You're lying.'_  
_'That's true, I'm not lying, baby-' 'OW, ma, you rubbed soap in my eye!' '-they are called forests.'_  
_'Forsets, huh...'_  
_'No, for-est, Levi.'_  
_'Foress...'_

Even though he complained about sitting in the sun for so long every day, he secretly loved just being with his mom. This little warmth that came down on them was worth every second spent with Kuchel on the fragrant grass. Just sitting like that, chatting lightly, was heaven on earth. Filled with problems, bad people and filth, but their little heaven.

_'Why do we gotta sit in the sun for so long, ma?' Levi asked, looking sceptically at the small ball of light that hardly provided enough warmth._  
_'You need sunlight for good health. It helps you grow and gives you positive emotions.' Kuchel answered, lifting Levi and setting him on her knees._  
_'I don't think it will help me. That's no good.' Levi stood upright, carefully balancing on his mother's knees._  
_'Why is that, baby?'_  
_''Coz everything is so big all the time. The sun doesn't like me, 'coz it gives me no growth.' Levi complained, but still reached for the sky as far as he could._

Levi took a big gulp of hot tea, not really noticing his burning tongue. Memories and sentiments were not his forte. They made him vulnerable. Weak. Easy to break. His biggest problem was, when his old life got him, when memories resurfaced, he wasn't able to stop them.

_'Look, ma, I brushed my hair like my hero!'_  
_'Oh my, Levi! You look cute. The cutest and the sweetest hero in the world...'_  
_'Ma...'_  
_'No, Levi, don't make that face! You're the strongest, yes, the strongest hero!'_

_'I dun like when those weirdos come over, ma...' Levi sniffled, wiping blood from under his mother's nose._  
_'I know, baby, I don't like it either, but those weirdos help me put food on our table.' Kuchel hissed when Levi pressed too hard on her bruised nose._  
_'But they hurt you, an say mean things to you...'_  
_'Only sometimes... But baby, you're not supposed to listen to this, you are to play outside-'_  
_'MA, I DON LIKE IT!' Levi cried, throwing himself on Kuchel's neck._  
_'I don't like it either, Levi,' she sniffed, hugging her son close._

_'AWOOOO!' Kuchel howled, making hand motions imitating those of a wolf. 'Who dares to disturb the sleep of the wolf queen?!'_  
_'It's me, ssssnake king! And you'll ssssee that I will bite your sssshitty face off!' Levi hissed, waving his arm in a snake fashion._  
_'Don't say shitty!' Kuchel reprimended Levi angrily. 'I swear, I have no idea where'd you pick up all those naughty words...'_  
_'Sorry, mama...'_

_'Mama?' Levi whispered, nudgin his mother gently._  
_'Yes, love?'_  
_'Do you know what I'm gonna do when I grow up an be allowed?'_  
_'What will that be?'_  
_'I'M GONNA SAY ALL THE NAUGHTY WORDS.'_  
_Kuchel almost snorted, but held herself at her son's serious tone. 'Okay, baby.'_

Levi stilled at his almost empty mug. _I'm gonna say all the naughty words._ He had long forgotten that resolution. When his mother died, he had to deal with a shitton of problems. Survival in the Underground. Fighting for himself. Growing up, emotionally unstable. Later he had no time to think about that happy place. Meeting Farlan and Isabel took all of his attention, then the military chase. In the Corps, he had to close all his memories away, for distractions were things that caused death while fighting. Then Shiganshina fell. Wall Maria was taken from them. New cadets appeared.  
Jaeger appeared.  
He lost his squad.  
Everything crumbled.  
But that one promise remained, and he knew he would have to fulfill it someday.

The Corporal drank the last bit of his tea while surveying the eating hall. He heard Hanji babbling something to his left and Erwin responding to his right, but he didn't join. He searched for the chestnut mop of hair among other cadets. When he didn't find it at first, he got a bit annoyed – when he had a resolution to fulfill, he liked doing it at once. He looked around once more – yes! There he was, squeezed between Ackerman and Kirschtein – seriously, if they didn't like each other, why did they sit together? - smiling broadly. That ticked Levi off. Of course, the brat had no care for bad things, just fooling around. Why didn't he see Levi's despair? Why hadn't he come and console him?  
When did Levi start having these thoughts?  
„Hanji, take over my first class. And excuse Jaeger from it as well. I'll repay you,” Levi said to Hanji, getting up from his seat and heading to the cadets' table. „While you're at it, take my mug to the kitchen, will you.”  
Erwin sat, just looking at Levi almost knowingly. They were working together for too long for Levi's liking. Hanji perked up and shouted after him „Oh, Levi, finally making that step? I wish I could look! Tell me all the de-” „Hanji, stop.” Erwin silenced her. „It's got nothing to do with physical attraction, so don't push.”  
Hanji visibly deflated. „Okay.”

Levi walked over to the cadets' table, feeling more nervous with each step. That was not a feeling he would expect – he wasn't some snotty kid – but it didn't really surprise him. After all, he was going to reveal himself to someone probably twice his junior. Corporal regretted now – a bit – that Jaeger was released from his cell. There, they would have a lot of privacy, and if something went wrong, Levi could just walk away. But with the brat out of the cell, Levi had no such freedom to walk away. If he wanted privacy, he had to take Jaeger to his office, and he as hell wasn't going to leave the kid all alone there. Not that he was worried for him to feel lonely – hell no – there were documents that, if fell into the wrong hands, could destroy everything they worked on. Could destroy the entire Survey Corps.  
Missions, plans, failures.  
Their backgrounds.  
Never will he allow it.  
The man saw as the brats got quieter as he approached, first noticed by Arlert, then rest of the group. When he came to a stop next to the table, everyone nodded in acknowledgement. Levi had no will to nod back, but did it anyway. Let them see he was also a human.  
„Jaeger, I need you in my office in five minutes. Alone. Don't make me wait.” He glanced at Eren's friend – Mikasa, was it – warning in his eyes. Don't come, he seemed to say.  
„Yes, captain,” Eren replied, smile fading from his face. Levi turned around and walked away, feeling their stares on his back. What does he care anymore?

After Captain left, everyone present at the table looked at Eren with question in their eyes.  
Mikasa spoke first. “What the hell was that about?”  
Eren just shrugged, squirming a bit. “I don't know. I've never seen Captain Levi so- so-”  
“Dejected?” Armin piped in. Eren nodded, taking a swing out of his mug. “Maybe it's about the last mission?” Eren pondered over the question, slowly shaking his head. “No, we've already been through that. What now, I don't know.”  
Connie suggestively wiggled his eyebrows. “It has to be bed thing! Why else would the Captain want Eren alone?” Eren flushed at his words. “N-no, he wouldn't - “ “Oh, Eren don't be like that!” Sasha picked up Connie's thought. “You two are pretty close, yeah? You finally will get some action!” she laughed, reaching over the table and smacking Eren's arm. “What nonsense are you spouting!” Mikasa was fuming; Eren and that shorty? Never!  
At that point almost everyone at their table joined into mocking Eren, except for Armin and Krista.  
“It's never going to happen, guys. I'm pretty sure that relationships – intimate or not – between cadets are looked down upon, alone between cadet and his higher-up!” Eren shook his head, getting up. “I'll be back in some time. See you then, guys.”  
“Be careful, Eren,” Armin pleaded. “Don't do something stupid.”  
Eren waved at them. “I know, Armin, rest assured.”

Where. Was. He.  
Levi was pacing around his office, too pent up to sit down. The brat was taking too fucking long. What in the phrase 'I want to see you in five minutes' is not understandable? Why did that brat have to be so annoying? With that soft hair and ocean-deep eyes?  
“Captain?”  
Levi stopped pacing and looked at the door. There stood Eren Jaeger, uncertainty clear on his face. “You wanted to see me?...”  
“Come in. Close the door.”  
Eren shuffled in, clicking the door shut behind him. Levi looked as he saluted, firmly holding his right fist to his heart. He looked uncomfortable as hell. Levi, unfortunately, was going to add to this burden  
“At ease, cadet.” Eren dropped the salute, but did not move. “Sit.” Eren moved to sit on a small sofa standing to the right. Levi waited as the boy stopped squirming. “Alright. Listen to me closely, because I will not repeat myself. From this point onwards, everything that happens in this room will stay between us. If I catch you telling others, I will personally gut you, make you eat your own intestines, and then punch your head off.” Eren flinched; never had he heard Levi utter such a threat before. “Nothing that we do, or say, is to leave this room. Is that understood?” Eren nodded, a little scared.  
Levi inhaled deeply, and released that air in a big, heavy sigh.  
_Let's get this shit done once and forever._  
“Fuck.”  
Eren furrowed his brows. Was something wrong?  
“Shit.”  
Young cadet was dumbfounded. And then...  
“Bitch. Dick. Cock. Whore. Slut. Fucker. Son of a bitch. Asshole. Dickwad. Motherfucker. Gutter slut. Cunt smack. Idiot. Shitface, ratchet, skank, scumbag, bullshit, cockface, cuntlicker...” Levi didn't even notice when he started crying. Tears rolled down his cheeks, dripping onto his lips, down his neck...  
“Captain?” Uncertain voice reached his ears, and he felt a hand on his shoulder. “Are you alright?”  
The man wrenched himself away from young cadet, hiccuping. “NO! Don't touch me!” he screeched, furiously wiping his face. “Who said you could stand? Sit down!” When Eren didn't, Levi wailed louder, slumping to the floor. “Why don't you fucking listen to me you shithead?!” If not for Eren holding him upright, Levi would have laid on the floor. Sobs racked through his body, making it impossible to even open his eyes to see what was happening. He was awkwardly lifted off the floor, though he was sure he would fall any moment. Eren moved them to the sofa, laying Levi on it as best as he could.  
Levi was cursing now. “What the fuck, can't do anything properly, a kid has to console me? That's fucking bullshit...” He didn't notice when he gripped onto Eren's shirt nor when he slumped deeper into the cushions.  
“Captain, is something wrong?” Cadet asked, cradling Levi in his arms. “If I can help in any way, just ask...” “My mother.” Eren looked surprised at Levi, who hid his face in Eren's chest. “You heard it instead of my mother. I -hic- will not repeat that again, and you will not bring that up. Only you know that that promise is somewhat fulfilled... and no one else.” His eyes started watering again. Again, he let someone down. He couldn't even cuss without breaking down.  
“Your mom...” Levi stiffened. “I hope your mom is happy, wherever she may be.” Eren softly said.  
Corporal just broke down again.

Around noon someone knocked on the door.  
“Come in,” Eren replied carefully, not wanting to wake Levi up.  
Erwin came in. “Levi, what ha-” “Shh.” Eren shushed his Commander, thinking of what was on Erwin's mind when his eyes widened. There they were, Levi sleeping soundly snuggled into Eren, eyes puffy and shuddering every once in a while. Not to mention they both missed two or three classes.  
“Cadet Jaeger, what happened?” Erwin looked at him, trying to comprehend the whole situation. Eren sighed, not moving from his place. “Captain Levi had a rough... moment, but please, don't call him on that. I will handle all responsibility, if necessary.”  
Erwin was at loss of words. “...I'll see to that. And when Levi wakes up, tell him to see me. If he's fit enough.” With that, he left the room.  
Eren sighed once more. What Levi did surprised him to no end. Never has he seen his Captain so broken and vulnerable. Jaeger slowly patted the dark hair. “That's a promise to you, Captain. I'll never tell.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> This is my second fanfiction uploaded here and on FF.com . The idea of the situation came to me after reading a certain piece of comic art by drinkyourfuckingmilk on tumblr.com - sorry, I don't know how to add cool links. You can read it here: http://drinkyourfuckingmilk.tumblr.com/post/138785096393/do-you-ever-wonder-why-captain-levi-seems-to  
> It may be chaotic, but as I said, I don't have the ability to fully put into written words the things that I want to convey.  
> There may be typos - I didn't read it through once more, for there was a power shortage and my computer shut down XO and I was annoyed with it already, so fts.  
> Feel free to comment :)


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